Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
