i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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