Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
ok first of all what the fuck
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
