FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I love having hate sex.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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