Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
