you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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