So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Randomize
