the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
