We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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