i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
