do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
