Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
God, I missed his penis.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
