Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
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A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
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Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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