Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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