im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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