3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
