This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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