it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
