Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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