i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
