Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
