apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
