OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
