i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
