I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Randomize
