just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
