you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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