That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
