she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize