My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
