He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
