His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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