I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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