the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Just took my morning after pill in the library
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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