What did we do last night that was yellow?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
