Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
