mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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