I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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