I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
