you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
