dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
