Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize