how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
