so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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