what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
