my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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