how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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