I cannot find my penis.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Barsexuality is the new black.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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