Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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