update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
