a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
