but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
two words: eviction party
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
