was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
