You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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