chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
