I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
