Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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