i permit you to call me
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
