After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
