I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
