do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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