Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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